Toolkit for Getting out the Friends' Zone

FZing is the most horrid thing an amorous prospective guy can get - for a girl to be FZed by a guy believe me, run a mile. Men are always up for someone they find attractive when they are single at least. Women can demure with the FZ being used Believe me, the FZ is a terrible, sorrowful and dark place of male misery. It is like missing your flight having checked in. It is like seeing a taxi at 3am only for it to rush past you. It is like falling into a dark little hole where you are chained to the slimy wall of manipulation and scrutiny. techniques to avoid or get out fall into these categories, summarised from my findings: 1) Walk Away 2) Set on hold 3) rationing 4) jealousy 5) Call a Friend =============================================== 1) Walking Away This is by far the best set of techniques. It may seem the most brutal, but it will save both parties a lot of trouble in my experience, fZing doesnt happen that often, I tend to know when I get the 'show' from a girl and follow up, or they make it very obvious before they need to use the FZ brush off. ALso there is Tinder but with Corona lifting there are going to be flirts at the office, at parties, in extended social groups and so on. As well as getting FZed on the first actual tinder date. Friend-zoning is I understand though, about 90% a brush off in western societies. You can go into a whole pile of psychological and sociogical reasons as to whey girls do it as a brush off, rather than saying 'no, sorry I dont find you attractive or interesting'. It is often to save both face and grace when you both exist in a social circle though, but can be more devious. However in 10% or so of FZ reactions, it will be caution, fright, playfulness, demuring, etc there is a real reason to say 'hold your horses, wheeey up there!' The trouble is it will be almost impossible to sort out at face value because both are in essence, an insencerity which the party will not want to back down from and admit they were white lying. There fore you need techniques to diffuse the bomb. The first are walking away, or being prepared to walk away. a) walking, literally, away - rolling your eyes up , sighing, guffawing, 'uh-ing' and turning away. This in itself is a huge communication and body langiage can often elicit stronger, truer reactions than endless blah blah when a wall of defence like and FZ 'Lets just be friends line' is layed. Now you are on a risky route but hey, you avoid being the rotten dungeon of the FZ with a girl you really really want in another capacity. So now the ball is in the air , in her court area and she either has to play it if she wants to actually ne in the game, or it is getting called OUT by the time you have left the bar or party or room. You may get her following right after you, with the explanantion as to why she just FZed you ( 'i'm not ready for a relationship' , I'm seeing someone right now, etc.) . Or there could be a text apologising when you can then ask these questions in return. Or a communication via a pal, often to the negative of course. You then have of course, monday morning at the office to contend with if there is no further contact? Simple send an SMS saying, sorry I made a pass at you, but hey, youre great I am sure, but let it not go over our professionalism, I am cool with a knock back as being a plain 'no thanks' b) being prepared to walk away This is in here with the sales routine. FZ can be a stalling procedure. Maybe they dont think they are ready, after the last catastophe'. Maybe it was the wrong hormonal time of month or other things conspired to influence a temporary brush off. The sales routing is simple but you have to be prepared to walk away from the deal if the only card on the table is a persistant LJBF That is NO DEAL guys Sales begins with the invitation, and often there are then stalling tactics by the other party. Objections. Smoke screens to the uncomfortableness of being influenced by another person into some decision which may be quite weighty. So you need to qualify those objections. Sales training day 1. Ask questions and counter those answers with new questions if they are not clear. FZ happens because they are either nervous, or they have a BF , or are up in a promising cycle of dating already, they dont fancy you, wrong night/time of the month, they are with their pals, they think it would be nice but you have to work or be in another social group together, they are sexually frigid, they dont want a relationship now, they prefer FZ and friend sex to having a BF with expectations, BREATHE.....et cetera et cetera All the time dont get on the back foot of oh you dont like me? Stay on the offensive with her as the object, the accused. Oh, do you already have a BF? Are you not single and so on? 'Is this then not the right time or place to be asking you out? THere are lots of questions. Reading the body language will reveal the truth of the matter. A 'get me out of here' posture and short glances says it all, I was brushing you off FOOL! A chin up in your face can mean she is just wanting to tease you a little more, now she has you on her hook to play with and torment. A pause with eye contact and something said a little shyly is more like it. If she keeps reaching for LJBF, why cant we just be friends. Say, oh sorry I made a pass at you, Youre a fun and pretty girl. Pity you dont find me attractive' Oh well never mind, we are cool about this eh? 2) Set on Hold THis is kind of related to rationing, but is an immediate action intended to get a response So I looked at my mental notes, having time to formulate at answer it being CHat again and not talk, and said that , "great, we can maybe talk again in a few weeks time or a month, then I will have met someone new in the dating direction. Because tonight you are the only girl in the world for me. You are beautiful..." blah blah, you get my drift It worked immediately, I left her alone, and then she came back 9 hours later ' I'm thinking of you' 3) Rationing. This is a bit of a risk strategy but if you have notice a chemistry between you, and you know she is the type who maybe likes to be careful and get to know a guy, or has been hurt, then accepting an LJBF is ok. BUT you then dont want to be the soppy BF substitute, cathy's clown, who gets to hang around her and is there when ever she needs a ride to town, or her house fixing up. I had a very damaged girl, who was on the way up though, FZ me. Shit, she was the nearest to THE ONE ever. Tall, feminine, intelligent sexy, attracive and very young for 48. I went along with it and sought her attention a lot via SMS. (she was social media minus due to a nasty, nasty ex BF) Fizxed up her house, went on dog walks. Never ending LJBF comments, so I knew she was nervous and maybe we were faling in love. Eventually i got really hooked on her and a bit love sick, so I tried to back off. I stopped random happy things teksting and MMSing. Pang, five days went and pling pling pling, she sought my attention via SMS or called me. However this became a malaise and eventually my lack of action, being a man , pissed her off as we were pretty much in love, but just couldnt seal the deal because of her history and my seemingly laid back approach, which only hid nerves like handling a handgreande with the pin out. Rationing is about self respect and knowing your goals in life. It means doing wry things like cancelling walks or coffees together or just not answering texts for a day or more. 'Great. Talk later, busy for now' Also you can make it clear you are using your time to do cool stuff, but she is being held away because she is in the OUTER FZ and that is a nice enough place to keep her until she coughs up with a buying signal, THE SHOW i call it - the lingering eye contact, the invitation to a drink or dinner etc Rationing takes you out of fulfiling a girls need for attention and someone-to-talk to. And out of her need for power. My girl above, 48 years old, needed to take back the control over relations and men she had lost to a very nasty man who bullied her into the ground psychologically. A lot of girls get hurt and need to take control to feel they are defending themselves. That is fine. FZ is fine in those cases, nothing to get angry about. Just fuck it though, who needs a tantalising babe as a friend? Rationing your time and socialising away from her also is a form of jealousy making 4) Jealousy I have pulled a few ONSs on the back of flirting with one girl while another couldnt stand it. Once i did it on purpose, but jealousy is a strong emotion a girl will often struggle to hide. They can be jealous of other girls per se, getting attention, or more importantly feel suddenly jealous that someone has you. Strong emotions elicit reactions and actions. Ie they back down from the FZ and open up Coupled to rationing it is a very good method. You just conspire to be on a date when you know she might want to see you, or just say you are. And in the social circle, make a point of flirting with prettier or dirtier girls when she is within eye shot. For the office post pass FZ, then you can say of course ' Do you have any nice friends'? Now out of any context this is a massive insult to someone you just met, but to someone you know and you have made a pass on only to get LJBF, it is a good route. When you get her alone say ' well you know at least now that I am single. DO you have any nice, single freinds ? ......you can add a compliment, they dont have to be as pretty/etc as you' If she really isnt interested you will get a more direct brush off at this point as it is a known strategy of course, but if she is she might make a buying signal, or at least, she may actually come up with a couple of phone numbers or better yet, ask you to a party a lot of singles will be at , or introduced you to a vetted pal at a sports meet or concert. This in sales used to be called 'snow balling' where you get referred to someone who MIGHT be in the market by asking ' do you know of someone who is single ? Maybe by three degrees of snow-balling seperation and two FZs in that mix, you will meet your THE ONE anyway?? 5) Call a friend I should have done this in fact with said 48 y.o. because her best pal happens to be a psychiatric nurse and probably would have been very understanding over a coffee to both my dilemma and the needs of the woman I had fallen head over heels in love with. Just ask a pal if the girl of interest is actually interested in more than FZ LJBF bullshit?? Call up or talk to a pal if the FZ thing is kind of rolling along, and you are a little trapped by her being social while she maybe sends mixed signals out. For an obvioulsy shy girl or one who may be scarred from previous encounters, this is no bad approach. For the life and soul of the party, a self confident girl of interest, this is maybe a BAD idea because it is a little sneaky, going behind her back. MOre direct techniques above are the winning line there. You have to tread carefully. FInd out first and foremost if they are comfortable about talking about her and the situation you are in. You may elicit a strong jealousy response of course, but putting it like ' i really am in a bit of a muddle here, and could really do with your help just to clarify' ...then 'well you know, me and Heidi are friends now ...yeah? Well it feels to me like we really like each other and care about each other and it is going romantic, but I dont want to really mess it up if she actually doesnt find me attractive' Back to being 15 at school ' does she fancy me like ?' but with a serious intention. Like my psychiatric nurse above, you have to know a little about the friend or at least could guess they are close enough to have talked about you. It is a very 'defusing a bomb by remote control' , a little clumsyness and BOOM you blow your credibility =========================== Guys, dont get put in the friend zone from someone you really want. Try and get the hell out of it asap.