After a long absence, I am finally back on the dating game, having separated.
Already I have had one LJBF; nose really out of joint because of it, and I am about to give a LJBF very shortly
It is a kind of nice nasty, when in fact people should really be cruel to be kind, but that is the way of the western world, people are always trying to be polite to keep up appearances.
First and foremost though, way over 90% of the time it is a BRUSH OFF. They do not want this attention. Usually LJBF comes after of course you get to know each other a bit, and ask out on a date, or something whcih becomes suddenly interpreted as a date, and the other (girl in this case since I am hetero and cant speak for other sex or persuasions) just doesnt fancy you.
On a first date, it is a defence mechanism pure and simple, it is often because the girl is a little overwhelmed by you and the sudden attention, or because they have a boyfriend but hey, you are actually a better catch and worth getting to know on a LJBF basis.
But most often it comes after a getting to know you bit, often in a social context where a date has not quite been achieved. It is then most often a brush off for a date.
Some guys will avoid dating and that is a good tactic in fact. They will use instead social occaisions because they are less charged and focused and they can be seen to be playing the field a bit, and wait until of course, the blood alochol level is high in their girl of choice, or move on to another Some girls are ok with this, others really would rather get to know you on a one to one, and wont be themselves with you in those situations and will actiuvely avoid contat with you. LJBF then after a drunken snog is fine.They know they have to see you socially and ok, it was a drunken mistake
When it comes during early dating then guys, most of the time you have no choice. Walk away. It is a straight knock back, and worse, they are going to use you for attention and toy with you sometimes to get some other guys jealous, or just show their power over men to the women they are competing with. Miaoow, yes that catty are girls.
Walking away, quite literally is a very good tactic, because sooner or later you are going to walk away confused, in tears or in anger anyway if you try and persue a LJBF girl. Yes it can be a defence mechanism, but it too often becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Romance is that unknown quantity between men and women, between people who do not really know each other but have a chemistry and an intrigue. LJBF is boring, it is sanitising, it is a passion killer. Walking away is a strong reaction,
Walk away, Try it., Yes, physically walk off, say nothing. Shake your head maybe but walk away and dont look back.
You will get LJBFed just you wait. Dont worry about the social awkwardness later, you have already made it as awkward as possible by making a pass. You can always agree to LJBF another time, and make it obvious it is lip service to politeness at UNi or in the office. Walking away takes control away from her. It puts the ball up in the air, and it will be played 'out of court' and she will be finished if she does not play back, these days with a text, whcih will either show interest or confirm she is truly LJBF ing you.
The response you other wise want is the text or chat which says, oh I actually really like you, but I just want to get to know you, or what other explanation they have, going through berievement, sad for the loss of their last relationship, PMT you name it.
Secondly you can try humour. My latest line I have ready for my next prospect because I live in a town where everyone knows each other is simple. You want to just be friends? Oh so value having male friends? Well you know there are those two, very nice gay dentists in town, I suggest you be friends with them" . This will get a laugh. Probably. Given you know the girl a bit, you can use the old cliched " Oh so you're a lesbian, sorry" which is funny in the right circumstances and otherwise a good way of saying fuck off, I'm not putting up with LJBF!!! Be prepared to do as above, walk the heck away there and then or even get a slap on the face.
The next option if the girl is a little shy or seems uncertain, is to qualify the LJBF. Here you want to know if she just needs time to get to know you better, whixh is a 'buying signal' or if she has some hang up for now about dating, or of course she is just rbushing you off and actually doesnt want to see you on a one to one basis. YOu can push the point here to being outright rude, because LJBF is being nice to be nasty!! Alternatively if it is actually factually I want to see you just as a freind, there is no sexual attraxtion for me, then be prepared to do just that if you really like her as a person, But in that case, be back on the dating game before you next see her or you will get hung up on her. There is nothing worse for most men than having what you cant have dangled in front of you, it makes you want it even more. Like a steak and chips when you weren't hungry, you start to druel over it anyway and really want it even though you know in practicality you should not go there.
The other option is acceptance and seeing what happens, but treating it as if you didnt get the job but are invited to apply at the next time they advertise. That is to say, ok, LJBF, but I am not applying until you make it cleare you want me to. Let her get in touch with you, always. If she truly wants LJBF , then she has to beg for it, because your young, free, single time is precious believe me. In this case, take it as a total loss and see if she gets in touch, and try and avoid all social situations or be very, very cool at them and let her make a fool of herself by making the small talk. Treat is like shas said ' no, you're ugly' and walk away with an ok, be seeing you, lets be like that then.
I'm going down the LJBF route because I am a glutton for punishment and we are both way over 40 so maybe she needs time, and my situation is not ideal with my ex right now. But I am wasting my time. My counter to this though is I just say, I'm not ready to have a lover now. So that lets her know, fine, lets just be pals, Iæm not ready, you can get to know me and see.
