Why Do Girls 'Friend Zone'You ?

Through out a man's romantic life, from preschool to the elderly care home, he will make advances on a woman and often get a 'let's just be friends'. Women get this too, but hey, here we come into just why men don't understand the FZ thing and get so perplexed by it. Because if a woman get's friend zoned then it is for three simple reasons 1) He is in a stable relationship 2) He absolutely does not find you attractive (or his type, or you are too attractive for him to be comfortable with ) 3) He is gay, or worse perhaps, asexual. Men then try and interpret a woman*s 'FZ' reaction to their amorous advances, in what they as men understand- how they would react themselves. There can be truth in that above, one to three. But women have a whole list which comes under 'let me think about it' if you could attempt to summarise. We have to understand that men are by in large more sexually motivated than women. This is of course a cultural stereotype, or conformity, but it in many many psychological studies from McKinsey's days, the biological mold fits. Women invest a womb, 9 months gestation, a year or two breast feeding, and years of most often being primary care worker. Men want to penetrate and enjoy possessing a valuable woman. Kids are part of cultural conditioning and keeping that valuable woman happy and possessed. So we have sorted the biology out a little. More on that later, but what about the psychology? Well women find it harder to make up their minds about men, than men do about women. However famous men, or those with stereotypically masculine jobs, are knicker droppers. Clint Eastwood, George Clooney, and any fireman who works out a bit. When we come to the fact that ALL male fire fighters are happily married to NURSES ( LOL ) and George and Brad are otherwise occupied, then we come down to earth with the regular joes. So the first dilema for a woman is ' Do I need a boyfriend anyway?' .....back to biology. Studies show that women are more receptive to mens advances on and around their ovulation and least when their period is very near. They are no per se / necessarily consciously sexually arousable, but they are more likely to enter positive social contact with the oppostie sex. So we can start to imagine possible cures to this ill of being put in the FZ by a girl you are hot for , and maybe feel there has been signals over the coffee machine or while walking dogs in the park. The second dilema is ' how does he compare to the others?' . Attractive women ALWAYS have men after them. They have older men, younger men, married men and divorced men making little advances. Often on a daily basis at work. Some make bigger advances and they too, get FZed ....or they enter an innappropriate affair for some attention and sex. So guys, I have been here....two years ago, a lot of heart wrenching shit I had to go through to conclude the girl of my dreams was carrying on with a married man, and I was a kind of distraction from the stress of having but not owning him. Women can weigh you up then. So let us see then, aha, yes these two issues of choice making are unfortunetly interrelated. That is to say, this same girl in an innappropriate affair, may have reacted differently to me if I had met her when she was ovulating. In fact it went a lot longer than that but she held me off. So how do we sort this all out? Well there are always methods of coping with this. Firstly, unlike me, never let a friend zone develop when you really have the hots for a girl. You are building a nasty little prison for yourself where you will always be looking out the window at the love life outside but not getting let out early for good behaviour. One approach is to to just back off , hands up, and say , sorry , I'm not your type. Hmm, well that is accepting a Knock Back like a good loser. BUT what if you have to work with this girl or see her every day walking your dog ??? This then becomes red faces on at least one side. But if it is someone you have met briefly or don't need to see often, then yes, just say, ok, sorry I'm not maybe your type. Linger then a little with some eye contact to see if this was just a kind of shy, reflex response which is another difference between average man and average woman. In what ever scenario, you have to be prepared to do the same thing. Walk away. Attractive women will be used to advances, maybe not had one in a while, but they will also be used to having to live with it and just brush the whole thing off and carry on being colleagues or what ever. But putting you in the friends zone is like putting the caller on hold when you know you actually don't have the capacity or motivation to deal with the enquiry there and then.+* So another approach is to bluff over to accept her offer. LJBF. Ok . " Sure, we can hang out and do some friends things, whats your number?' This is the wise guy's line of action. If it is a pure brush off then you wont get a number. And what do you do with said number or Snap handle? Reply saying, here >I am, you seem like a fun person to be around. Chat another time. Now you are walking away. You have made your play. If she is interested in you, you will by all means get a reply. BUT she will probably be FZing you once again because now you are a little doggy on a lead, one of maybe two, three, ten suitors.....She has you chasing after her but she has all the control in the FZ to get to know you and to consider you versus the others. So she replies. Send a smiley. You don't reply until next day. Give a polite reply. Then if she wants to chat, say sorry, you are busy. Already you have her on the back foot a little. She wants to pull doggy on the lead out for a nice walk, see how you trott along beside her. Already you are setting a higher price on what you don't do with her than that which she wants to do with you. CHat and consider you. After this you can then choose to suddenly engage in a funny, or meaningful chat with them. Or if you see them at work judge the body language. Are they seeking you ? Are they even playing hard to get? Or are they just not that interested in fact and take off those rose tinted spectacles. Now this is obviously a stale mate in maybe a large majority of cases here. She isn't sure about you, probably either too shy, or too conditioned into expecting the man to make all the moves. In effect if you are hot for each other, but she is just holding up on a decision, you are in the Mexican stand off, each side not wanting to shoot because you may anhilate the yourself in the battle of wills. It is check, but far my friend from Check Mate Most guys sit and dwell on this and think about esculating. This is what loads of books and blogs talk about. Basically this means luring the girl into a more date type scenario in the hope she enters the non friends zone, the moved on to kissing zone. THis is a bit wrong because by this time unless she has made any propositions in this direction, you are the little doggy on the lead and she has the power to decide in yet another amorous advance scenario. At this stage with nothing to loose you could say, hey, why don't we try going out a little and see if there is a chemistry ? Then you are forcing a decision rather than trying to make circumstances fit when, for the hidden unebknown to man infront of her reasons, that approach may well fail because she doesn't have to decided YET again. Remember attractive women get greater or lesser veiled passes made at them on a regular basis, you have to be lucky that they are recpetive sometimes and you hit that button there and then. Another thing you can use then, which I had success with recently after being FZ, is saying, OK, I understand you just want to be pals, and say in two three weeks time I will have cooled off, be dating from Tinder in that direction, and we can be pals' NOW we are hitting the nail on the head. Response? OK I understand, you are a man of flesh and bone, we can chat in two weeks time. Later on, 9pm same night I get this reply " thinking of you...." . I tested the water, is she interested in getting to know me or is it just BS? Does she have something more there? IS she afraid of missing out on me ? The key to the whole game forward os FOM. The old sellers tactic. This offer is only for this week. Fear of Missing out. Now on the one hand maybe a girl is afraid of making the WRONG choice or if they just have you in front of them, that you MAY be wrong for them., That is their emotional dilema. Now with FOM, you just presented them with a whole new, over riding dilema. That your valuable body, mind and skills will be lost to another woman. So here you have two main tools then. Being prepared to walk away, and limiting your valuable time to make yourself seem more valuable and harder to get. THen creating a tension that you are soon not going to be available. I had better nab him now before someone else does Here I went way wrong and was a little honest and dishonest. I didnt want a GF really, but she was soooooo goooood a match for me that I was prepared to be in the FZ. and I said that to her. So I became a zombie. In the land of the sexual dead, which she couldnt over come,. Neither could she choose me over the married man she is now with today, nor could she see that I was going to withdraw my availability. She even asked me round the houses if people should just have a ONS and be hjonest about it. She was flailing around unable to press herself into choosing me because there was zero pressure, I was there, little doggy jumping up on her lap. I tried pulling away, but she would come witha caring text message after four or five days. So I got more entrenched in my own dilemma and tried to rationalise yes, this will be ok, just pals is fine even though the fly on the wall could see we were (in retrospect of others ) in love with each other. FOM also brings us into how to build FOM instead of luring someone into dating. It is opportunities to DENY and make JEALOUS. 1) You arrange a coffee meet out of work times. You cancel, in polite time. If she asks why, you say you have a date 2) You conspire to go to a party or the pub, when you know there will be other girls there. GO either early or late, and make a point of flirting like hell with other girls around the place. Even if you are in no way interested in them! As long as it is highly visible. 3) The big one. If you are regular friendly, and there has been more than one or two reminders of "we are just friends" then ask her straight out if she has any attractive single pals, or ask her if she knows if such and such is single. THis is risky as it is the ultimate rejection. It is saying to her face, I am finished with any interest in you, I am well and truyly in the market though, help me out and at least be a little useful to me. Through all this you have to judge the body language and how she reacts to all this, but you are prepared to walk away from any more than a polite and nice working or dog walking relationship. For me, well I would just know I guess I can read that much, but what are the buying signs? Well as above , a buying sign may first arrive when you first make it clear that you dont want to invest much time in her. You are not an idle text distraction. Friendship might be something the opposite sex can have with a mild attraction, but if you have the hots for her, it is as well as saying ok, go back on the rail, nice to look at, looks like I can't afford you right now. You need to establish a higher value and see if they set a higher price than the FZ on you. Buying signs can be subtle though, but usually FOM gives a decided facial and physical response which shows she is ready to say yes. A little fear there and then. A little reaching out, laying them selves open to fire. And spoon feeding you it may seem to her too. Usually things will conspire to a meeting in some form or other, and very often there are co conspirators at play setting you up with her in a situation. Usually in western countries, involving alcohol as a kind of loosening oil for the cogs of attraction to finally be unleashed on both sides. Another approach when the signals are very unclear leads on from this co-conspirator. I have discussed this with a few women recently and in fact, it will be more illuminating and less risky than you think, especially in slightly older girls when they have a good BFF. You've had fifty fifty, now you are going to ask a friend .. her bestie to be precise. It really cannot be anyone else, I tried not long ago to ask about a former colleague by asking her whom sits beside her everyday, and she said yeah, she is single I think....only to find out the contrary. Also looser pals, colleagues, team mates, old school compartiots may have hidden agendas. True a BFF may want to protect her BF from you,. But it is EXTREMELY likely that you have been discussed until her BFF is sick and tired of it, and wants as much as anyone, closure in this matter. So ask her. Simple as, I have gotten to know Mary and you knwo she is great, but she is sending me odd signals these days...should I ask her out ? I mean a romantic direction? A BFF will want the best for her pal, and if she says dont know then she is lying to protect you. You are the little doggy on the lead, while Mary there is intent on someone else and you are an also ran. "Sure, why not (erm ??" is kust as bad, in other words you aint good enough to be talked about with BFF which just wouldnt happen if you were. A BFF may not like the idea of you per se, but if Mary is keen, then she will say. It may not be a bad thing to obviously flirt with a BFF in front of Mary here , but really it is nt a tall ask to just phone her, avoid texting so that you can get an idea of the tone of the reply. Or even better ask her for a coffee to discuss mary. Rejection of this approach reflects the feeling there in wee Mary. That this is a bad idea, and in fact, maybe you were FZ'ed just to be polite. So here is a final word of warning about being put firmly in the FZ, and then trying to escalate and just going deeper into being smitten and loved up and all is just unrequited.