Nice girl syndrome, and for that matter, nice guy syndrome whcih I have probably been on the other end of the stick of. What is that all about?
Well of course it only happens when we are single and have a toe in the market at least.
At 18 and at 45, divorced, you have a similar perspective dilemma. If you meet someone now, having been alone, then you maybe have to be with them for life or at least through some of your best years?
Ooh, what if somethign better comes along, it will hard to dump a nice girl / guy? What about spreading your wild oats and having some fun?
We are back then to disposable sex and consumable love.
I had a whole lot of this topic in the first I kind of fell in love with post divorce. On the one hand, I kind of put her on a pedestal and as she was the first kind of true interest, I was worried I might end up with her for those precisous single years before I am bald and old and used up. From her side, I had to read through the lines, but basically freind zoning every meet was a bit over the top and showed an insecurity. Indirectly she probed to see if I was interested in a one night stand, ina round the houses third person way. I actually didnt want to because she lives near me, i see her quite often and also a quicky might destroy a good friendship with potential to go somewhere.
Also between the lines, it became apparent that she had affairs with married men and liked the disposability. Also a summer rommance with an American visitor, cutting him off completely upon his departure, poor sod more than a little loved up with her. So she was avoiding nice boy syndroime. She didnt want a relationship.
Eventually it al became a mess, because the attractioin we had for each other was massive and I never did do the manly thing and make the move. I felt it wasnt right each time we met, and that her body language was too neutral ( later I find that this is just a national trait, and you need to push your luck a lot and take the initiative, despite it being a supposedly liberated land for women) . I fucked up over an anonymous valentines day card and it became a messy thing which she pushed me out of.
I remember then nice girl syndrom from when I was young. Fiona at Uni, and my mates Ex, Sharon. Both wonderful. Both, well, too good for me I felt, or was it more that I would have to honour and obey them for ever and I didnt want to risk a relationship before I was old enough to want to settle down-??
I remember one very pretty, typical my type, petite brunette. We had an attraction and finally hooked up for a drink at a concert on Level 8 , Strathclyde Uni. She was a bit neurotic. She then went off there and then with the drummer from the band and even told me.....It was a bit weird, it wasnt happening for me. She got both a better quality mate and a qucik disposable night of sex.
Women want it too, maybe it is more cultural than in built moral. I had one of those matey aquaintances in the 80s, you know, you met them on the indy circuit. His name was Geoff, and him and Dean were inseperable Indie music hang outers. Dean was small and squat. Geoff looked like a young Clint Eastwoord. But he was shy and into music. Women threw themselves at him. He was invited to parties, women kisse him out the blue....it seems then that the naughty swan thign is there. Swans pair for life., Only goslings quite often have a different paternal DNA!
What I have learnt in the modern times, is that ' I'm not very good at realtionships' or any discussion about loose moral , short term relations, is a come on for a one night stand or a friends with benefits relatuionship. Perhaps this is a middle age thing, where the womean is more honest and wants to lay down some rules that this will not be an all consuming love nor will there actually be any committment.
i dont want to eat the peach I want it for later, and if I take a quick bite, the whole thing will be rotten.
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