I have come to the conclusion that I am , still am, and have been a natural woman whisperer.
At least when I'm not thinking about woman whispering!
That is to say, it is a little kind of random in outset, that I can just walk into a club and pull at the cash desk, or get dating with a lovely single lady who walked her dog past my house for two years.
When I look into, I can share some secrets from many years of scientific observation, an empirical study of what happens for you to progress experimentally
What are my key tips in getting a new girl then, dear Alpha Male?
1: Don't go out to look for a girl
This was a very key observation and colours the next two points below too.
Most of my pulls have been when I have otherwise been out socialising without intent..... or just hanging out doing something, like fixing my garage or walking the dog. Oh yes, single mums love the latter two believe me!
Going out with the one intention of pulling is stressful and actually counter productive. Bar Flies and dance floor domingos may look like they are getting the girls, but they are getting attention which is passing, and will end up with some desperate girl...who would rather have you actually.
Further to this going in blind and without intent.......If you thought that men have a lead role as the hunter, and the women were the prey, then you my friend are deluded. Women are the hunters. They will sneek around scanning the bar for 'talent' and read those signals of social prowess and self confidence subconsiolsy, deciding whether or not to persue. There after though, it is true to say, the hunter becomes the prey., You have to go in for the kill, it is the man thing now that she has cornered you LOL !!
Women can reek that a man has a single intention for the evening, and a great many attractive, self respecting girls ( your target group, maybe a unicorn in there) will run a mile, especially when there is a whole troop of would be sex monkeys leering and josseling after them.
I have very often pulled when I least expected to pull, and that is because the girls could read I was relaxed and self confident in my own wee world with my mates.
GIRLS CHOOSE YOU, and in a club, party or bar they often choose you loooong before you choose them, them believe me. While your eye contact is with your pals, and you are exchaning signs of belonging and social adeptness, she is looking over at you, only to dart her glance and neutralise her body language as you look towards her.
Or out in the neighbourhood, Girls are in fact awful stalkers!! They will change routines to see you, learn what you are up to, who you as a whole are. To a girl, your sociability, lifestyle and standing in society is equally important as your looks, and if you are not a looker or a bit soft round the edges, then much more so than looks. They become quite intrugued in the course of a party, or when living just near enough to you so as to not be obvious.
So go out to celebrate. Go out to have fun. Say hello by all means to girls you see walking past as you fix your car, or walk your dog, or go jogging at 6am....
Dont go to parties to pull, go rather to hang out. More on how to do that below. But this all sends those signals out that you are a social, well integrated animal and not some reclusive sex fiend.
Further to this, dont dress up in anything you dont feel 100% comfortable in! Some guys do feel great in expensive, finely tailored and presented suits. Me? Well maybe at a wedding, but hell no, I pulled the best looking girl in my life and some others too, when I hadnt showered and was in jeans and mucky t shirt. In fact my most recent little nip, with a really pretty lass, I went out in very drab clothes in fact.
Go with only a notion in the back of your mind that you CAN pull generally speaking, if you get some luck.
...a little crudeness , a tip. Get used to not ahem, shaking hands with the devil for 36 hours before you have social activities at the weekend. This will help you communicate without knowing anything about it, because your pheromones will be do lally when they meet someone you find attractive and waft over to her. Pheromones have a lot to say, which is why the personal zone and the intimate zone are crucial for the mating process, such that our pheromones can mingle and give us that odd little bit of confidence to chat each other up,find comonalities, joke, then touch, kiss..........
2. DONT HAVE A WING MAN !
As a young man I used to want to have a wing man all the time. Maybe a married gur, or more confident buddy who would support me in my approaches, who would look for positive signs around the place , and who may even wing a couple into conversation.
BAD idea. The wing man is a little red flashing light of the above, that you are on the pull. That you are maybe a bit socially awkward and lack confidence. Or that you are a predatory double act if you are both quite outgoing and superficially confident
Wing men have an uncanny habit of becoming lead fighter pilot. This is because they instantly diffuse their own situation and approach, by doing it on behalf of a pal, and for those girls with some self respect, they quite probably dont like a guy who wont dare himself. A few might, but you know why nerds are single? Because they never dare and they secrete I am a coward from their pores.
3. BE THE WORLDS BEST WING MAN
Yes, of course, you have a poor unssuspecting single pal, who is either as above, shy and awkward, or is licking the wounds of splitting up. you go out on the auspices that you are going to wing him in a new girl.
Been there and often girls will ask, is he too shy? Then you can actually paint him as you like, be a little naughty if he is just a colleage and not an old pal. They will assume for a while that you are confident and hooked up, but if they ask if you are single, then you are in! Then you can say, yeah, but not in the market right now, and I wanna help my buiddy out. Then you are playing the game, a little hard to get!
4. Go out ALONE
Yes, yes, go out to a party alone, Go to your pub alone. Populate a local cafe which gets girls in, on your todd.
People are a very sociable type of mammal. They like to include they like to help. When confronted with a whole pack of wolves, they will form a circle and go all defensive. But when they see a lone wolf, there at the bar or with the first complimentary fizzy Prosecco in hand, they will take note of them.
The trick with going alone, is to be patient and relaxed. Make like you are just taking a chilled drink or maybe waiting for someone. That someone is a long lost cousin bro, male or female, doesnt matter if its in a social setting with plenty of people about and a few target girls.
Dont be glued to your phone and wait to be spoken to by bar staff, dont seek their attention other than using a small smile.
One tactic I use by kind of default if not pure accident, is to sit at a far bigger table or stall than you need, or in the middle of the bar. Thus as the bar / club / cafe or Caberet fills up, someone is bound to have to ask if the seats are taken.
Here you have to people whisper a bit. Let them come to you, Use a short smile and brief polite eye contact. Let them do the talking.
Soon as the evening developes you will have a whole new social life! Believe me. Most people are kind, nice, interesting and fair. Otherwise this capitalist western society would fall flat on its face with us being parasitic on each other. The worst that can happen is that they take over and as you to maybe move on, but hey, use that as a chance to raise your voice show you are insulted and that they are rude, then you might get further included in the wider group.
Lo and behold, in the course of the night, women will have been stalking you, sorry gathering intelligence on you, from the visual and social cues you are sending out. You are now engaged in conversation and confident. You look, like you belong socially, or can fit in quickly with people. The girl need not be in that group, but she will often be joingin them, and say, wow, who is this new, hot integrated male here?
If the people are not your type who as to sit there, then say, oh, two of these are taken, but the third isnt for example if you dare. Avoid being the last chair at the table, very sad, or being squeezed into the corner of the bar all alone and cut off by a wall of backs.
Other corners though, of a social kind, are good,. Putting yourself at the outskirts of a group makes you integratedl, but available, and physically easier to walk around to.
While in the group, make a point of talking to some women, more on the talking part soon. Just a little social contact, enough to be polite, doesnt matter if they're married or with their men., If they are out then make a point , rapidly, of being introduced to their BF !! Avoid a fist fight early rather than later!!
5. Find a WING WOMAN !
Now a wing woman or a mother hen, or a female buddy to go on the pull with is a great, if often rare thing.
Usually it is rare because no one thought of doing it overtly. It just happens that you end up with a female friend, and it just so happened that she got talking or you got talking to people around . BE OVERT!
If you are not a complete geek , nerd, anorak, then you proibably have a couple of female pals or colleagues or even relatives you can play this game with, and they most likely have never thought about going out "cold calling" with you. Rather they may have suggested match making, and that IMHO is a fucking awful way to go, which is so cringe worthy. That a third party thinks you will be suited is justan insult to many, and we come back to that lack of social adeptness and confidence again.
Go out to familiar places, or parties, where they will be new people or people at least only vaguely known. And just hang out! Look for those girls scanning you surriptisoulsy. Say hello with your eyes!
Whats in it for her? Well just as women are scanning the bar for potential signs a man is mateable, men will be looking at womens behaviour, and being more overtly competitive than girls, will possibly try to tease a boy friend or test his mettal if they see the girl isnt interested. They will tell you are not that intimate, and move in on her. Win win if she doesnt leave you with the lonely walk home!
7. Use body language and facial expression over chat up lines
Chat up lines actually only work because they are ironic, or because the rest of the body language makes them irrelevant.
The best material to learn about body language and facial expression is none other than Charlie Chaplin in his silent years. He clowns a lot, but he was a master at body language acting in the days before the 'talkies' . Buster Keaton is a kind of antidote , dead pan as he was , but with some very funny
Body language starts with stance, how you stand , where you stand, where you sit how you sit, how your limbs are arranged, how your posture is open and relaxed, chin up.
Here we come to positioning yourself socially. Either in a group as above, or still alone 'waiting' for someone. This is the invitation to the huntress, she will start to signal that she wants to come in for the kill.
As with scanning above, she will likely look at you sideways, glancing over when she sees that you are in eye contact with other people. Hold your ground, and make sure there is room for her to come and get you.
Then use your open body language and eye contact. It can be a surprised, I cauight you looking at me, and a flash of the eyes, roger moore style, demure then , smile and look away only to look back to see if you still have her interest. It can be a brief smile, as if involuntary, followed by offering someone next to you a drink in order to break out of a tight bunch of people. Does her gaze follow you to the bar? Does she follow you to the bar? When you get back, has she moved in to your kill zone, ie where you left?
If none of the above happen and she starts to use rejection signals, or hard to get signals, then leave her alone. She may be married or just out to tease you, while not really thinking you are up there as a contender for her. That is what teases do, they choose men they wouldnt want to be with anyway, to tickle and lead on. More on teases soon....
8. Read her signs as she comes into the intimate zone.
There are about ten signs, but instead of trying to make intelligent, stimulating sounds with your mouth, look her in the eye and smile a lot, and ask open questions.
At this point you may have established the Nirvanna of pulling a new girl: dilated pupils and bodily contact. Then she is already yours if you just go with the flow and play cool, polite, playful and sincere.
If not she may hold to the outer zone. This is three to four feet. At this point, "chase after me little boy" is a clear sign of either nerves and excitement, or that she is out to tease and nothing more. Be aware of this and smile a little laughing smile, and go back to talking to someone else. Dont go to the bar at this point, unless maybe it looks like she is lingering and looking at what you are doing, If here nose is in the air and she is off as far from you as physically posiible, or locking herself into a social circle a little further away, then drop her. If she follows you to the bar, introduce yourself and make her the centre of attention, not buying a drink. Offer a drink after you establish positive social contact.
One thing I'd avoid is shaking hands with women, It kind of earths the electricity of first contact, neutralising what should be a special moment, It renders an exciting meeting of souls to a business transaction. If offered a hand, dont reject it, but use move yourself closer into her zone and see how she reacts, while asking her name. But dont offer a hand. If she holds your hand a little too long, then like those dilated pupils , you are in there hook, line and sinker.
There are lots of youtube and other blogs about positive body language and how it tends to escalate with interest and as the Prosecco sinks down. So look there, but be aware that in these situations it is overwhelmingly true that body language and to some extent tone of voice, is 90% of communication that counts, and content of what you say is so very unimportant really. No need for chat up lines....
But as above on ahem, avoiding releiveing your sexual self for 36 hours before, going with your gut instinct means actually going with what your pheromonal receptors say. They are on your lips and in your nose. They illicit a stronger emotional response in women, and if you have avoided the devils handshake, a strong sexual drive in men.
Pheromones only work at a short range and in conjuction with eye contact. You may be in a bar and find that you feel a little aroused due to there being lots in the air in general, but they are produced only when contact is made between two people! They are nature's little tricksters, over coming the otherwise high thresholds to what we think we might want or not want.....
This is one reason internet dating, chat and face time often fails, because pheromonal interaction should be established early in a relationship, at its inception. It is all a very non cerebral process!
9. We Need to Talk
Women by in large like to talk more than men, and especially about themselves and their friends and circumstances. You just need to ask a few open questions to get the ball rolling after the first contact is made.
10. Shy versus Rejection
My greatest regret is not understanding SHY when I was a young man. I have missed out on my biggest chances for a beautiful, intelligent doctor and probably lots of others, and yet today, it still tripped me up recently.
Shy means afraid of rejection, you are too nervous to make first social contact. However shy does not mean anti social! Shy just means they have a high threshold for social interaction with new people.
Now the trounble is tthat SHY looks and smells pretty much like REJECTING behaviours.
The difference is that shy is a threshold to overcome, while rejection cannot be overcome. Shy is often someone desperate for positive social contact, only too afraid that it will be negative to actually initiate it. Help is at hand, because often shy reveals nervousness, while rejection reveals coolness. Rejection will show itself when your advances, subtle as they may be, are met with crossed arms, that rejecting look away mouth open sigh thing girls do, or plain get up and walk off. Shy on the other hand, will be delighted you have established a positive social contact, and will quite quickly move into your intimate zone if she fancies you and feels safe with you.
Shy is often a sign of high nevroticism - worrying about themselves and their place in the social animal world. It also follows then, that most stages of becoming intimate are going to have thresholds. This is something I fail to realise,.
So getting a one to one date, will have a threshold. Getting a kiss, will have a threshiold. Getting any form of committment to being in a GF BF relationship may take a while. Shy puts nervous self defences out when you do start to get intimiate, but all the time they want YOU to overomce THEIR threshold. Recently I got friend zoned because of this, and really I should have just driven over it and kissed her!
Being Neurotic is actually not a bad thing, despite being painted negatively. It means you are cautious, consider options, protect yourself and most of all, it means then that when a girl does go for a guy, it is quite likely to last! She may be a catch who doesnt want to let you go!
Rejection is tough to take, and the odd ego woman enjoying it makes it worse, but by in large a polite approach with positive body language will result in social contact and a conversation. Some girls will use their natural pathway to tease, while others will get close to you, decide your eyes are not the right colour, and back away. Rejection is something to get used to, to accept as an occupational hazard, but if you follow the above and let them show they are interested and come a little to you, then rejection for at least getting to know them a little will be far less. Let biology do the rest thereafter!!
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I'm going to leave you on shy there, because well, if you are single, then it is quite likely you are a little shy. Shy usually mannifests itself in not knowing what to say to break the ice., not in the bigger picture of body language.
